Swan County

When I was in Israel, I gave my mom my computer to take back to the US -- it's a little overweight for a four year-old [machine]. As a result, I also stopped posting to my blog. That was the hefty price tag for a lighter bag, a significantly lower price tag though than Ryan Air's would have been for going over the 10kg carry-on limit.

I am in Füssen, a small, undeniably German town where everyone lives in castles, drives a Mercedes, and eats Bavarian Pretzels.  That's probably more feeling than fact.  After twelve motion sick hours watching magic mountains and green pastures filtered through dirty train car windows, I am just a few kilometers from the dramatic mountains that erupt on the Austria/Germany border.  Also, it is cold and raining; staggeringly beautiful.

Today I hiked in the Bavarian Alps and toured fairytale castles.  OMG IT WAS SO AMAZING WHEN CAN WE COME BACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!  [There are obvious reasons why everyone I meet thinks I'm at least ten years younger than I am.  And my mom told me I dress like a boy.]
I leave for Munich in an hour.

This trip has been like a brownie ice cream sundae.  AWESOME! But if you eat too fast you'll get a headache and if you eat it all you'll feel sick. Of course, it's so good that you eat all of it really fast. Worth it!

On the topic of delicious food, this has been the most difficult trip for me as a vegan. I'll admit, my purity has been unintentionally compromised [and immediately spit out]. The concept of being vegan is not universally understood and although I have done my best to find English speakers, to translate, to point and gesture, some cultures cannot wrap their head around the concept.  I eat a lot of fruit.

Although, my favorite vegan story:
Venice is a maze. Amaze! Streets expand, contract, loop around, dead end, take you straight into the water. You could wander for days and never retrace your steps; Or, walk towards a specific destination and end up exactly at the point where you started. It's hellishly hot in Italy, the summer sun shoots it's death rays into every nook of the city. After walking around for two days, starving, I heard of a place where I could find something vegan. The first euros I spent in Venice were on a map [best buy ever] so I used the Google Maps list of 59 steps to walk a mere 3km. It's never what it seems. Two hours later I show up at Frary's and it's closed. Yes, closed for the day at 3pm. I started walking back the way I came  ... and sat on the steps of an old church eating sorbetto. I regained the strength to continue my search for food and found a cafe with hummus and tubbelah. I scarfed it and embarrassed about how fast I ate, fidgeted with the menu sitting on the table. I flipped it over and found they had an English version [only the Italian one was posted in the window,  hummus was recognizably "hummus"]. Directly above where it says vegetarian hummus it lists a salad ... With shredded horse meat.

Even though I haven't been updating my blog, I have kept daily accounts of all the funny and fantastic and frustrating moments of this trip. I will compile them as soon as I can! And I will also upload photos as soon as I can find an Internet cafe that doesn't charge 7€ per half hour.

I have a few photos on Flickr uploaded from my phone.

An Idiot Says "What" In Bangkok.

I am in Tel Aviv, which is more like Miami Beach than you think. I went swimming in the Mediterranean swimming pool, I mean, Sea today and it was fantastic.  Except for a suspicious bite I have on my foot ... could it have been a jellyfish? 


6.24.11 Kuala Lumpur to Bangkok

>Our taxi driver is a woman and her cab reeks of perfume. After three days in Kuala Lumpur, I am certain the smell could be worse.  Tim is going to Dubai and I am going to Israel but we are leaving from different airports.  Tim's flight leaves an hour and a half earlier than mine so we go together to his airport first.  He checks in for his flight, everything is in order, and then we search for snacks.  As we take the escalator down, the quality of the airport rapidly deteriorates.  There are bugs in the food at the Food Garden.  No snacks for us.

Goodbye Tim! I will miss you.
Until Stockholm!

>The airport shuttle bus arrives so fresh and so clean from the year 1990.  It is completely full except for a few seats in the back.  I leap frog down the aisle with two heavy bags, maneuvering through the carelessly stacked piles of luggage. A "Pump Up The Volume" dance remix is playing.  Really.

Unlike every other airport I have ever been to, this one is lined with shops, not gates.  It is easier to find a bowl of noodles than the Air Asia counter.  Eventually, I manage to check-in and proceed to customs, sweating and thinking about how I am in an airport in Kuala Lumpur on my way to Bangkok ... You know, it is kind of a big deal.
And of all places, they have free internet here.  Free like when you give a kid too much freedom and they become spoiled and misbehave in all ways irritating. The internet does not work.

>I took a taxi from the airport to my hotel in Bangkok.  The least strange part of this ride is that my driver is singing along to Taylor Swift.  The traffic in New York is tame compared to what it is like here.  It is not just that a car might hover between two lanes, but a bus might decide to pass traffic by driving on the wrong side of the road.  Scooters go wherever they want, off road or on road, and tuk tuk's spin and turn and squeeze through traffic [car or pedestrian] as they please. Honking your horn is very in, everyone does it.

6.26.11 Bangkok

>I got an early start to the day, taking the free boat from my hotel to the central pier in order to catch an express boat up the river.  River traffic is much like that of the street -- are there any laws in this country?  I am surprised how little English is spoken and how many signs are only in Thai.

It should have been so simple. All I wanted to do was go to the flower market. That is all.  I wanted to see the vibrant colors of exotic flowers and watch a frenetic exchange of goods.  I wanted to take photographs. All I wanted was to see the flowers. Simple.

I board the first ship that pulls up and an angry Thai woman who had been cutting a piece of fruit waves her knife at me: "Next Boat!"
I board the next boat that pulls up. They announce the flower market as we float by it and I am forced to exit at the next pier.  I plan to walk along the river but am immediately sidetracked by a giant golden reclining Buddha statue.  Shiny object distraction. After I have done a complete loop of the temple grounds, I redirect to the flower market.
Dammit.
I step outside the gate to look at my map and notice that my tourist map is missing about 99% of the streets in Bangkok.  There are big icons to label all the major attractions, leaving little room for any other information. Like, street names, train lines, and other vital details.  [Un]Fortunately, a large street map is conveniently placed at this exit.
"Where are you going? Do you need help?" Asks a man in an unidentifiable uniform wearing an unreadable name tag.
I explained to him that I want to go to the flower market to which he responds: "It's closed!"  While I thought the market was open 24 hours a day, admittedly my research was poor and I did not know for sure.  He grabs my map and circles three places that I should go: 1. The Temple of The Black Buddha 2. The Expo Center 3. Golden Mount Temple.  As he is writing, he says that he teaches "here" [points behind him] and recommends that I travel by tuk tuk. 
I thank him but "No thanks."

I continue walking down the street towards the river when two tuk tuks corner me as I cross the street.
"Where are you going? I can take you there!"  Once again, my map is taken from my hands and more information is thrown at me.
I want to walk and see the city.  I am firm, thanks but "No Thanks."
They don't budge.
One of the drivers says he will take me to the Black Buddha and the Expo Center for only 20 Baht [about 60 cents].  Out of frustration, I say fine, but I insist that I do not want to go to the Expo Center.  He agrees.

The driver is young and speaks English pretty well.  He asks me where I am from and oh, how he loves California!  We drive a few blocks when he suddenly pulls over, jumps out, and brings over another man. 
"This is my brother! He will take good care of you."
It probably was not his brother and he probably would not do anything good for me.
"And he'll take you to the Black Buddha and the Expo Center and ..."
"I don't want to go the Expo Center, just the temple."
He shows me a little card that says "Petrol" on it and explains that if he takes me to the Expo Center that is open only one week per year -- THIS WEEK! -- that he gets free petrol.  Amazing.  I am such sucker, and I know it, and figure he needs the petrol more than I need the 20 Baht.

This driver speaks little English although he does ask where I am from.  America. California. San Francisco.  When we arrive at the Temple, he escorts me to the entry.  It is a beautifully detailed temple but there is no Black Buddha.  I walk through very quickly and tell my driver that I am ready to go. Now.
But wait.
He gestures at the restaurant next to us where there is live music.  I tell him I'm I am ready to go.  Now.
But wait.
He walks towards the restaurant anyway and I follow.  The band finishes and a guy in a pink shirt comes over to me and asks where I am from.  America. California. San Francisco.  He rambles on about sports and we walk and talk right back to the temple.
Once again, I tell them I am ready to go. Now.
But wait.
Instead, they lead me to a shrine and tell me that five minutes inside will bring good luck.
No. I am ready to go. Now.
But wait.
Go. Go. I take off my shoes and walk inside, sitting down on a chair next to a fan.  An older man sitting in the corner says "Hello! Where are you from?"  America. California. San Francisco.  He shakes my hand and shows me his "blue sapphire" ring that he bought at the Expo Center.
"You must go to the Expo Center."
"I'm leaving now."
"Five minutes brings you good luck!"
No. I am ready to go. Now. As I get up to leave, an American man walks in and takes the seat next to us.  He says hello and asks where I am from. America. California ...
"Oh really, I am also from California, where?"
"San Francisco."
"Me too!"
He is young, dressed in a button down white shirt and khaki pants.  He comes to Thailand for three weeks ever year and always stops in Bangkok to visit the Expo Center.  He buys a few pieces of jewelery that he sells back in the US for a huge profit to big stores like "Zales at the Embarcadero." The Expo Center gives him a certificate of authenticity and big name jewelers, who normally have to pay a large tax on imports, are eager to deal with him directly.
His words were steam and evaporated as they left his mouth, his story the transparent cover of an elaborate scam.  I nearly exploded in laughter at the absurdity of this conversation. 
I leave.
We drive to the Expo Center and I reluctantly agree to get out but not go inside.  As we pull up to a shady little shop -- the "Expo Center" -- a gigantic security guard swoops around me and ushers me inside. There are cases full of jewelery and a few people walking around. I stand perfectly still in the doorway, obstructing the entrance, wanting to leave.  A mean round woman sizes me up from across the room and waddles over:
"Can I help you?"
"No."
"Then leave!" she yells.
With the overstuffed woman on one side and the supersize guard on the other, the current pulls me back outside.  I give the tuk tuk driver 20 Baht as promised and frantically walk away.
And get epically lost.
I took out my crumpled map and stopped at a 7-11 for directions. Point! Please point to where I am right now. Please! Heads shake, arms shrug. I went to another 7-11. Not one person could [or wanted to] understand me. For hours I wandered through the fish heads and the durians; no flowers in my hands just a sunburn on my shoulders.

Life on the Chao Phraya River, Bangkok.

Giant Golden Reclining Buddha, Bangkok. 

 The temple grounds. 

The gatekeeper.

 Tuk tuk + Me.

 Temple of The Black Buddha, Bangkok.

 Street facing windows, Bangkok.

Holy Holy, Batman!

As always, I am behind on my updates.  I do my best to keep notes but internet access is sporadic at best.  I'm tired, jet lag has caught up with me. I wrote this a few days ago when I was at the Sea of Galilee, sitting next to it not walking on it. 
My next update will be a crazy tale of Bangkok.
Oh hey, things are great! I'm having a blast. Wish you were here.

6.21.11 Singapore to Kuala Lumpur
Today is either the longest day of the year or the shortest, it all depends on your coordinates. Or your mood relative to the number of hours of daylight. Around the equator though, the heat is epic and the day is over-done.  The beginning of summer is just another sweaty day here and I'm on my way to Kuala Lumpur.  KUALA LUMPUR!

We ate brunch at Whole Earth Vegetarian Restaurant, doing our best not to sweat before getting on the train. An hour later, sticky and gross, we boarded the KTM Eskpres Train from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur.  At one point we considered flying for a whopping $28 USD, but I am really happy we didn't. Palm trees for miles and dark red earth, the rebuilding of train tracks and scooters flying down country roads.  From the garbage filled backyards of make-shift homes, children ran to wave at the train. I am grateful for everything that I have.
I miss my big brother.


I had to go.  "Sit toilet" or "Squat Toilet." Light shines up through the toilet bowl, suggesting that either the Malaysians have tethered a piece of the Sun to the bottom of this bowl or the toilet dumps onto the Earth.  There are also two signs that I don't understand: one involves a foot and a pedal and the other a body and a hose.  The cookies they give us for snack time are the accidentally vegan equivalent of Famous Amos.

"Dundundundundundun"  This is how the conductor begins every announcement, obviously not English, but I am pretty certain he is saying "ladies and gentlemen."  After we disembark, we follow the tiny ink-jet printed signs to the monorail, passing through a cloud of toxic construction fumes that engulf the gritty city. 

When in Kuala Lumpur, do try the charcoal bread -- delicious white bread that is black and made from bamboo.


6.22.11 Kuala Lumpur
The breakfast buffet is amazing.  I think we went through 6 plates, 2 bowls and 6 cups.

We took the train to Chinatown but ended up at Lake Garden Park [truth in advertising -- there was a lake, a garden, and a park].  Kuala Lumpur is not even a little pedestrian friendly and highways slice up the city.  To cross the street: 1. Wait  2. Look right, left, right, left, right [repeat] 3. Watch out for scooters on the sidewalk, driving on the wrong side of the road, and breaking every other traffic law 4. Run really really fast. 

It turns out I am allergic to Kuala Lumpur but I managed to make it through the day without completely ripping my skin off.  We visited the Butterfly Park, the sad and beautiful home to many [too many] butterflies and turtles in tanks too small.

There is a monkey crossing the street. THERE IS A MONKEY CROSSING THE STREET!
I took some photos before it raced away and turned around to see a mommy monkey and a little baby monkey walking on a fence.  It was adorable, even when the mother viciously bared her teeth at us to stay the hell away from her baby.  She climbed the tree to get food and brought it back down to share with her little boy.

6.23.11 Kuala Lumpur
The best way to ensure gaining weight while traveling is eating at a buffet. Usually those things are too expensive and not too vegan.  Not this time. This time is decadent.

Tim's first words when we stepped outside this morning [about the weather]: "It's not so bad out today. Better than yesterday." Later, he would take back those words.

We went by train to the Batu Caves, probably the biggest tourist destination in Kuala Lumpur.  It might have something to do with the giant golden statue, the 272 steps to the cave entrance, the 400 million year old caves, the aggressive monkeys that will steal food from your hands, the ten kinds of bats, and the cockaroaches.  We gather around our guide for the Dark Caves Tour while she explains some general points, including and repeated 'Never shine your flashlight up -- keep your flashlights pointed down at the path at all times.'  I can't focus on her though since I am consumed by the high pitched squeal of the bats. Oh, bats. I do not love you.
If you shine your flashlight up, they might fall down.

Turtle in a helmet shell. Butterfly Park, Kuala Lumpur

Angry mommy monkey.  Kuala Lumpur

 Monkeys like to eat.  Kuala Lumpur.

 Monkeys don't eat plastic [although she tried]. Kuala Lumpur. 

Batu Caves, Kuala Lumpur. 

 Duck, duck, goose, swan, Lake, Garden, Park.  Kuala Lumpur

 Petronas Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur

 Scooter brigade.  Kuala Lumpur.

 Chao Phraya River Boat.  Bangkok, Thailand.